What will effect my life next?

I want to just go along sometimes from day to day ignoring everything. I learn about a lot of things, but I cannot act on them. For instance, I know all about the politics of the middle east but I have no reason to ever go there. I have not been the victim of a terrorist attack nor do I know anyone who has. My life continues as normal. I could have been a complete airhead and never picked up a newspaper or paid attention to any non technical/job-related news for the last 5 years and nothing in my life would have been significantly changed except for longer waits at the airport. Learning about things does one thing, however, it teaches me to be afraid of things.

To combat this, I sometimes try to focus on information that will benefit me directly. To some degree in my professional career I can do this. In the rest of my life though information does not have the same amount of value for the effort spent aquiring it. It's more for entertainment purposes only. Maybe using all this information I have aquired may have some lasting impact or perhaps I am just an echo chamber reverberating memes generated by others as opposed to speaking from personal experience.

Nobody Cares. Really, Nobody Cares...

I have been watching Foamy the Squirrel lately, along with reading a lot of Cat and Girl and have come to the stunning conclusion that really, nobody cares about my problems, my philosophizing, etc. If people cared about that kind of stuff Dice.com would be overflowing with jobs for philosophy majors. Sorry, it's all mental masturbation. Maybe good for inside of one's own head but for the most part of little value. People want to find information on digital photography, off-road racing, the latest sports scores, etc. They don't want to hear the musings, and random though bubbles of your's truly. But that's ok, I'll indulge anyway, for now, and be left to my little corner of Internet obscurity, along with the millions of other bloggers and bored teenagers writing about things like how much they hate or love some person in their lives.

The escapism of living in the present.

I discovered something today about this little blogging journey of mine.

What I found out was that I thought I was going to want to read my old blog entries, even derive pleasure from them, but I didn't want to read them.

It seems like a lot of them are me grasping toward meaning and then becoming discouraged over and over again.

I need other people to come up with the meaning for me. I can process information all kinds of different ways over and over again but it is never worth much to me.

I fear that no matter how far I "get" I'll be unhappy with what I've gotten.

The best way to get started on something

I am a big slacker so I have to find all kinds of screwy ways to get started on things. One of the better ways I have found is when I am procrastinating is to do the following:

Open up my sticky notes program

Write the first 10 steps I can think of to move forward on a project

Go back and fill in the details a little more

Keep doing that until the steps get small enough that the procrastination feeling eases.

The hardest part is opening up the sticky note program. It's a bit like overcoming the fear of rejection while dating. You just have to DO IT!!

Here comes the clever part, convincing yourself to write the first step. Sing a little song to yourself (not out loud if you're around others), distract yourself. Move the mouse back and forth with the beat of the song until it winds up on the open the sticky note icon. Then double click it to the beat. Ok keep singing this little song in your head and write the title of what you want to do. Then write the first line. After that it should go ok, if not at least you got a line down.