What was the meaning of life again? Oh yeah now I remember.

A little incident tonight led me to think about the meaning of life, once again and to remember all the various conversations I have had with myself over the years about the meaning of life and where I wound up on this topic. So here's the story: I was at a nightclub tonight. I really couldn't figure out what I had liked about it so much the previous times I had been there. The conversation was dull. The music was good but predictable and too loud so that it got drowned out mostly.

I began thinking to myself, what had made this all so interesting before? Then I remembered how trying to meet women at nightclubs, just for the challenge of it, had been fun in its own way. Of course now being very happily married all that was left was the music which was ok and sounded better on my ipod and the dull small talk.

I then remembered why the lady chasing had been so much fun previously. That's because it was all the Nichomachean Ethics. That is the book Aristotle wrote 2000 years ago where he mused on the meaning of life. The idea that he had was that we should seek excellence in all things as the meaning of life. I think this is something that throughout my life has always been a rewarding source of longterm enjoyment. So I liked being excellent at lady chasing in my youth. Now I seek pleasure in excellence at my job and in writing, health, etc. Seeking excellence puts me in a direction and sets me on a course to somewhere that is worthwhile to arrive at. It's good to have someplace to arrive instead of one short vacation after another, interspersed with drudgery, as people often view the work week.

Empathy is a difficult skill - Part II

A lot of what empathy is about is actually listening to the person you are trying to empathize with. Often times there will be ones own interests that are predominant in one's mind. It's easy to have these interests guide your thoughts, like an ice breaker plowing through the conversation. In order to be empathetic one has to set up the other person's thoughts as actual barriers to the direction of the conversation. This isn't done by oneself automatically. One has to make a concious effort to listen to what the other person is saying and place obstacles in the way of the thrust of one's conversation, like orange road workers cones, to be avoided out of considerationl, not necessity.

An example of this is a married couple talking to each other.

Spouse 1: Dear, we ran out of milk. Can you go to the store to get some?
Spouse 2: I have to go to work. I have an important meeting today at 9.
(Spouse 1 places imagery of her important meeting this morning in his/her head)
Spouse 1: Could you do it for me after work? I have to stay late working on the overdue project?
(Spouse 2 places imagery of her spouse busy later in the day, stressing about a deadline)
Spouse 2: Ok, but you owe me for next time.
(Spouse 1 takes mental note of gratitude that he keeps to be present in his mind during the next communication with his spouse)

Bad short term memory can get in the way of empathy sometimes because one can easily become obsessed with an idea and not take the time to remember or keep track of what the other person is thinking. Sort of like driving the icebreaker without looking out the window. It often takes some discipline to remember everything. This obsession is why political arguments tend to go in circles because they are just a bunch of word games, almost like song patterns being sung back and forth like remebered spells being cast instead of actual empathic conversation.