Empathy is a difficult skill - Part II

A lot of what empathy is about is actually listening to the person you are trying to empathize with. Often times there will be ones own interests that are predominant in one's mind. It's easy to have these interests guide your thoughts, like an ice breaker plowing through the conversation. In order to be empathetic one has to set up the other person's thoughts as actual barriers to the direction of the conversation. This isn't done by oneself automatically. One has to make a concious effort to listen to what the other person is saying and place obstacles in the way of the thrust of one's conversation, like orange road workers cones, to be avoided out of considerationl, not necessity.

An example of this is a married couple talking to each other.

Spouse 1: Dear, we ran out of milk. Can you go to the store to get some?
Spouse 2: I have to go to work. I have an important meeting today at 9.
(Spouse 1 places imagery of her important meeting this morning in his/her head)
Spouse 1: Could you do it for me after work? I have to stay late working on the overdue project?
(Spouse 2 places imagery of her spouse busy later in the day, stressing about a deadline)
Spouse 2: Ok, but you owe me for next time.
(Spouse 1 takes mental note of gratitude that he keeps to be present in his mind during the next communication with his spouse)

Bad short term memory can get in the way of empathy sometimes because one can easily become obsessed with an idea and not take the time to remember or keep track of what the other person is thinking. Sort of like driving the icebreaker without looking out the window. It often takes some discipline to remember everything. This obsession is why political arguments tend to go in circles because they are just a bunch of word games, almost like song patterns being sung back and forth like remebered spells being cast instead of actual empathic conversation.